You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize