She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
