You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
