Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize