I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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