Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
