his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
