I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
