Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
