OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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