How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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