Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
