I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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