Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
