Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
