that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
