Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
