I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize