ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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