is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
