We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You ate ashes out of my bong
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
