just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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