Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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