it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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