Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
