Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
