I hate all girls vehemently.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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