I got chris browned last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drake has all the answers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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