she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
