I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
