are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
