Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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