i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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