I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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