It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
