i permit you to call me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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