Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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