if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
