She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize