Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
