My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
