I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
