i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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