he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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