Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
