last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
