I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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