You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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