So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
