Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
