I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
