So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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