so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
