T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
