boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
