Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
