i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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