god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
