you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
