I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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