If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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