I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
