She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
