Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
