I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
