Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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