My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
