Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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