it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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