I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
