This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
