oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
