I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im having a threesome with these popsicles
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
