Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
