whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
