The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
