I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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