I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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